The Letter
by x.yoursaturday
Summary: Zaiden writes a letter to her former love and current king of Denerim, Alistair, before leaving for her final battle in Orzammar. Female Warden/Alistair. Two-shot.
1. Part 1

When we first met, I was 17 and you were 23; do you remember that day, out in the cover of the trees, standing around the magnificent pillars? I had just been brought to the Grey Warden camp by Duncan, and he had told me to find you so that I could meet the other recruits. When I came across you, you were dressed in copper and gold armor with your sword and shield secured to your back. I remember you taunting a mage with your snarky comments before he stormed off. You turned your attention to me, and we talked for the first time.

From there, we were thrown around by the cruel fate of higher beings; Loghain's betrayal of the Grey Wardens at Ostagar, Duncan's death, gathering the allies to defend the against the Blight... But we were together through it all. When I awoke from my nightmares, hysteric and nearly in tears, you were there to comfort me beside the camp fire, and never thought any less of me on the nights that I did shed a tear. You were the kind of man that I had dreamt of but had never expected to meet. During the adventure, we had fights over how we both handled the varied situations, but we never held grudges. We fought for each other, putting each before ourselves. Everything that we faced, we faced together.

I cherished every moment with you; any chance I could, I would strike up a conversation. If you or me was to die, I wanted to either leave or be left with the memories of getting to know you rather than the guilt of not having done it.

The night before we fought the Archdemon and Morrigan came to me with her proposal, I thought it over in great detail. I was almost set on taking the demons soul and sacrificing myself in the end rather than letting Morrigan rob you of the purity that you valued so much... I was jealous that I was about to lose the second thing that I had taken for granted. But when she sent me to your room, I had finally decided that I wanted to stay by your side, even if I no longer played the role in your life that I used to. I didn't sleep that night as I thought of you and her together; it hit me with a new set of emotions that I had thought I could keep at bay, and I did for quite some time. I tried to act the bigger person.

We're 22 and 28 now. Ive served under you as the Chancellor, and pretty much ran the kingdom by myself. I never did meet anyone more special than you, Alistair; you lied. We could have had a beautiful 4 year old kid by now, the heir to the throne that I put you on. I was new to the taint and you yourself had only had it for a few years... The child could have been born healthy in comparison. Or rather, we could've had a surrogate mother... You didn't have to throw me aside as your lover, and yet you did, and than insisted upon staying by each other sides as friends. Every day after the blight I was pained by watching you and knowing that nothing would ever be the same between us.

Funny, isn't it? I chose you for the throne because I believed that were the one for the job, and I was proud of you for actually stepping up during the landsmeet, even if you weren't too keen on becoming King; it meant you valued my opinion and decided to act upon it. Later that night, you broke up with me because my body wasn't ideal to create an heir for the kingdom. I rerun the whole thing in my head many times over; if I hadn't handed you the crown, than we could've lived together for the rest of our tainted lives, restoring the Grey Wardens to their former glory.

When you told me that you had found yourself a special woman, I bit my tongue and told you I was happy for you. I hoped that maybe you would see past my mask, but you didn't. When you introduced us at a party, I couldn't handle it. I left the room, and we locked eyes as I did, and as I wandered down the halls of the castle towards my room, I longed for you to come after me and hug me; comfort me. But when I reached my room, there was no trace of you coming after me... The human woman had seemed to hold your heart tighter than I had.

Then about month ago you came into my room in the dead of night and with the intent of asking for my blessing for marriage with this woman. That's when you discovered that I couldn't sleep because of my untamed emotions, or at least, this was the moment that you couldnt pretend to ignore it any longer. You asked if I was okay, and I sprouted a broken smile and told you I was fine. You fidgeted for a little before patting my shoulder and telling me that you were there for me, and that I could tell you anything. Before I could force the lump in my throat to pass to explain myself, you came and asked what you had come for. I nodded and asked you to let me sleep. Before you had even shut the door, I was crying, and I know at you heard me, but refused to turn back and look at me.

A few days ago I heard the news; your wife is pregnant. Are you happy, Alistair? You're going to have the heir that you sought so badly... Looks like you really did find someone who was more special that me, something that I had failed to achieve. It looks like your story is turning out perfectly; the Grey Warden and bastard prince who returns to take his place on the thrown when his subjects need him the most kills the demons and lives, and than proceeds to marry a beautiful wife and have an heir to the kingdom.

...But I suppose I'm just being bitter now.

I guess I'm dragging this out too long... Something I must've picked up from you, Alistair, only there's no snarky punchline or sarcastic point to be made. I've started having the nightmares that you told me of; the ones that came when your time was near. I plan to head to Orzammer as you told me was customary; I will break through their doors and escort myself into the Deep Roads if they refuse to open them for me. Its like you said to me once upon a time; I've never received a word of thanks or celebration for being a Grey Warden, despite everything that I did. Everything that seemed so important during the Blight is slowly being forgotten... Looks like I'm not going to be remembered for everything that we have been through.

If you have any last words for me, I'll be at the place that I hold the dearest to myself; the place that you first kissed me, until the sun rises. However, if you have nothing but empty words to share with me, than please don't bother coming. Either way, I will be long gone before the sun rise, so I suggest making your decision with haste.

- Zaiden


	2. Part 2

As she placed the letter upon his bedside table, she couldnt help but sneak a look of his face; she knew that she shouldn't have, but she couldnt help herself. He was in the midst of a blissful sleep, something of which she had longed for many nights now. It seemed odd that her final battle was before his, however she couldnt do anything to rewrite the fate. She crept out of the room, completely silent until she came to the door. As she closed it behind her, she let its noise ring out; it was to be the last that anyone had heard of her in the castle. She was a ghost now; a lone juggarnaut as she trended lightly through the familar halls.

Alistair suddenly found himself awake in his bedroom without a clue as to what caused him to do so. He sensed something amiss; the air around him felt different... It had attacked him with resentment and jealousy. He peered over his shoulder and saw that Kirya was still asleep beside him. He rolled over onto his side, and was greeted by an odd sight. There was a piece of paper folded into a triangular shape to be able to stand that seemed read "To Alistair". Curious, he sat up and pulled a folded up letter from beneath it. As he unfolded it, he found the darkness of the room had taken over the paper, so matter how hard he scwinted. He gentely pulled himself from the warm covers and slid out from his bed, wandering over to his desk, hoping not to trip over anything. He had one hand out in front of him, searching the air for the feel of his oak chair, and once he felt it, he slid onto it, setting the letter on his matching desk as he felt around for the matches that he had recieved quite some time ago. With the small flame aiding him, he shared it with a candle before shaking it out. The wick of the candle caught and providing him with the lgiht that he required to read the letter.

As Alistair read the opening paragraph, his heart skipped a beat. His mind was met with memories before Duncan had passed; back when the Wardens were betrayed. One of the first that came was the very one that was described in the letter, and he instantly knew who had written it. When they had met, she was dressed in light leather armor in the fashion of short boots, and mid-thigh skirt, and a breastplate with a small shoulder guard on the left side, coupled with her pale skin, lively blue-grey eyes, short dark hair, and elfish charm, she had taken him by surprise. They had gone into the forest together to gather darkspawn blood for her joining and to gather Grey Warden documents that proved to be very helpful in the near future. He recalled her joining; one man had died and the other had tried to leave and was killed by Duncan. Despite watching that, she took the brave step of drinking the blood, and she had survived it.

Reading on, he found himself in full-blown reminesning; he clearly could recall of the events that Zaiden had writen about. All of the nights that he had comforted her, that they had spent by the fire sharing stories, all of their near-death experiences, all of their adventure... and all of their romance.

When he reached the part about the night before they fought the Archdemon, his stomach knotted tight. That night was a night that he had long tried to forget; it was a night filled with regret. He had allowed himself to be defiled by Morrigan, even if it was to save both himself and Zaiden... The thought still made him queasy. But even worse yet, he had shoved away the person who had been by his side through it all. She had put up with all of his bullshit and had shared herself with him in a way that no one else ever had, and still hadnt. He had been trying to set his priorities striaght, to protect the kingdom that she had put him in charge off and serve it to the best of his ability, since he had thought that it was what she had wanted.

Taking a deep breath, he barely allowed himself to read on. This letter was tearing him up inside; it had unleased fierce demons on his heart and earthquakes throughout his brain, rattling his train of thought. Zaiden had held onto the memories that he has forsaken and tried to forget on behalf of his duty as king.

With mention of both his wife and baby, he glanced over his shoulder to the bed that she was curled up upon, her sleep unfaltered. Eamon had introduced them at a party where Fereldan's nobles had gathered, and had encouraged him to marry her. She was one of the most suitable for ruling after his death, coming from a long line of army commanders, and she was also easy on the eyes with pale blonde hair that fell to her mid-back and bright blue eyes brimming with warmth. But it was selfish to blame Eamon for this; he was simply offering the push forward that he needed. He knew that he needed an heir, and he was running out of time.

As his eyes came to the words of her nightmares, he felt sick to his stomach. At such a young age, the taint was ready to take her life? 5 years of the poison had corrupted her body much faster than his had evidently.

He cupped his hands togethered and put his head against them. He closed his eyes as a single phrase left his lips.

"Maker, please let me choose."

* * *

Zaiden was sitting against a worn stone wall when her heart started to hurt. She had convinced herself that she was perfectly fine with leaving with or without a goodbye, but as the time dragged on, she realized that once again, she couldn't have been more wrong. However, she knew that she would have to leave when she had stated she was going to, or else she may not be able to tear herself away from his city, and everything that it meant to her.

Being Dalish, she was used to moving from place to place, and as such, had many "homes". However, his place had certianly become her real home over the last few years; it was where she belonged and it belonged to her. Recalling the trials that she faced to put herself face to face with the urn of sacred ashes, she had finally understood what the one soul had riddled her so long ago. Denerim was where she had experienced the truth of people, bled alongside her party of warriors, fought for a noble cause, and killed the archdemon which brought around the end of the blight... There was also the matter of falling into love with a certain man within the walls of this human city. Yes, there were certainly memories held here that she cherished, but they came hand in hand with those that she despised.

Taking a deep breath, she looked around the empty marketplace. It was covered by the blackest blanket of the nightsky, but even so, her eyes had adjusted, and she knew that there wasnt anyone around, which was a change. Whenever she was usually here, it was filled with merchants trying to peddle their wares, regardless of whether they were legal or not. On occasion, her and Zevran had robbed some of the merchants blind just to prove a point that they should be aiding by the city rules.

...Zevran; elite assassin, master smooth-talker, great strategist, and... backstabber.

She supposed that fell under the "truth of people" category of her memories. When it came down to herself and the Crows, he chose the Crows, and in the progress, found the freedom that he thristed for all along. He had been haunted by his past for far too long, and despite everything that she had done for him, it wasnt enough.

'I suppose everything that I do is never enough.' Zaiden thought bitterly to herself as she felt her eyes well up with tears. Sten, too... After everything that she had done for him, he had returned to his homeland and died invading Ferelden a year later. There was no stopping her tears now; the years of bottled up emotions that had cracked a few months back had now exploded into something that she needed to get out of her system before she died.

"...Whats the hero of Ferelden doing out here so late?"

She had thought that she had imagined the voice at first; it wouldnt had been the first time. But when she opened her eyes and looked up, there he was; this was not her imagination. He bent down and looked her in the eyes, seemingly aborbing everything from them in a matter of seconds.

"Y-you..." Zaiden hiccuped, barely able to form her words into a sentence. "Ali...Alistiar.. you... came..."

He suddenly pulled her into a tight embrace, and she hung onto him for dear life. This was just like before the Landsmeet and Redcliffe; he was there when she needed him the most.

"Zaiden... Im sorry for everything that Ive put you through." His words hung in the thick air around them for quite some time. "... This seemed like such a brilliant plan on the way over, but now that Im here, I can see that it was truly stupid. Stupid, stupid me, thinking that I could ask you to forgive me for everything over the past 5 years."

"N-no..." She coughed before taking a deep breath as her body trumbled. "D-do you remember that one time... When I asked you w-where you saw this thing going? Y-you told me that you would try your best... to keep me beside you... But I was s-selfish and couldnt accept that, so I replied 'as long as we h-have each other, that's all that matters.' B-but you knew better... You told me that h-honor and duty came before us."

Alistair's heart had seemingly stopped; she couldnt feel it beating against her chest or feel his breath against her neck.

"Y-you warned me... But I mustve been d-dreaming to think that it could have gone on... forever... You have a duty to g-give Denerim an heir to its throne to protect them from harm when you... when you're gone."

"No, Zaiden..." Alistair's breath was hot as he spoke. "I was selfish; I was afraid that I wouldnt do a good job as king, but I wanted an heir to guide my people properly... Let the blood live on... But every day I wondered about us, and if I made the right decision. I think I've finally get an answer though... I-I..." He stumbled over this sentence before finally blurting out something she hadnt heard in quite some time.

"...I love you."

Zaidens heart jumped at his words. He hadnt forgotten every one of their memories together... He felt the same way that she had these past few years... She had just been too bitter to notice.

"I love you too." She clung to him even harder as her tears started to stop. They had had their time together, and despite what she had thought, he didnt let it go. He had been tormented by their seperation just as she had.

"We'll... see each other soon, alright?" Zaiden whispered in his ear as she tried to swallow the lump in her throat. She stood up, freeing herself from his arms and his warmth. She looked down at him and tried to smile before she turned on her heel and started towards the city gates.

"...Yeah, Zaiden, we will." Alistair whispered in repsonse as he watched his love walk away for the last time. After everything that they had been through, he had never imagined that in the end she would be leading and he wouldn't be able to follow her; to act her shield and protect her. She was gone from his grasp now; and all he could do was pray that the Maker take her onto the next life.

xxxxxxx

A/N : Zaidens campaign was the first one I finished on Dragon Age, and after pulling an allnighter to complete it, I was very disapponted that Zevran had betrayed her and Allistair had dumped her. The concept was my half-awake ramblings, but I hope I managed to turn this into a decent story. Bottom line, I'm obessed with Dragon Age at the moment, so expect more fanfiction in the future with my two other wardens, and maybe Zaiden will appear for another story as well.

PS - Reviews keep me going! :)


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